Looking ahead May 17th 2013
My general health is improving. More energy and eating. Weight has gone up into the early sixties. Can’t tell you how different and empowering it is to walk, get up from chairs on my own and treat routines as routines after spending most of the last year viewing the world from various zero degree angles. That is a miracle, for me. My walking is up to 8 to 9 Kms a day. This is also a miracle for us. Never have I enjoyed the process more or been keener for my walks. I was struggling to get around the house not too long ago. I was joking about me being Neutropenic when I was getting bullied by Amita and Ashwin. We drew a deep breath and wondered at the joke. Most importantly, I am pain free! The increased food intake offset any acidity because of the medicine. Maybe miracles happen in a hurry when we start with most taken away from us. Thank you for the prayers and well wishes.
The tussle between the donor and host cells continues beneath the surface. The liver counts are stubborn (inching downwards) even with the increased medicines. There is a bit of ulcers in the mouth. Sleep is less because of the steroids. There is some puffiness in the face. The protein intake is high and is “tortoising” forward instead of “haring” ahead because of the medicines. Thanks to so many who have helped us get them whey boxes across the oceans. I need to welcome the aggressive donor cells more into my body. Doc keeps saying to let the body heal and it is all for the long term good. Oh Well! Sounds like a good advice for others. God bless Dr Sharad; he has been so pivotal in my recovery.
Musing
Corporate tools collide with prayer to bring peace and harmony!
A beautiful meditation and prayer is happening for me these days. Meditation starts with a single object or event and the mind quietens by seeing the universal picture in that small happenstance. A mind map is traversed linking that event or object with everything that enables that event. This recursively continues and quickly and often in 3 to 5 degrees of separation, is able to visualize the role of the collective consciousness and the universal force to make that event happen. I have attached a pdf document that shows better the jpeg image inserted in this text.
Walk (this is the pdf document)
They reflects one of the mind maps that mind maps some of the essentials needed for a walk to happen. I find my mind quieter after the prayer because it starts sees the totality in everything. (To quote one of India’s greatest saints – Papa Ramdas; He witnessed his own loneliness – his mind resting on the bosom of the motionless spirit of tranquillity.
I did an interesting mind map on how and why I am alive today. It was explosive! Did I mention a quiet mind!. Imagine a mind map catalysed by Amita, Family, Doctors, Dr Sharad Damodar, all your wishes and prayers, medicines, my physical well being prior to the illness, competence and skills of nurses, brothers stem cell, money, food, blood transplants, platelet transfusions etc..
The corollary of this prayer seems to breed a greater acceptance of self, happenings and others. The fierce assertion of self; often the cause of much desire, fear and suffering, is placed in context amidst the backdrop of the larger forces surrounding it. The result is more joy, acceptance, energy, efficiency, creativity, intuition and humour. Other ameliorations observed are;
Lessening of the “shoulds”, “oughts” and “musts”
Another corollary seems to be a mitigation of the “should’s”, “ought’s” and “must’s”. This is driven by proper understanding of the relationship between individual will and the pervasive cosmic power. What! is a “should” or a “must” when there is such a pervasive power driving the happenings in the world? It just is! Hold off on our judgements before we impose our should’s and must’s.
More joy in doing
There seems to be more freedom in engaging because the energy that is normally spent in wondering about pleasing others, results, need for control, blame etc.. is available for doing and not wondering and thinking.
Less Complaining and criticism
There is less churn and complaining of what happens on the TV with its unending procession of corruption news. Less complaining of Politics. Less complaining of likes and dislikes over a dinner table. There is a deep understanding of the “bad” and hence less suffering. Isn’t “bad” a biased point of view.
I am reminded of the immortal words of Eckhart Tolle in “Stillness Speaks”.
What a miserable day
He didn’t have the decency to return my call
She let me down
Little stories we tell ourselves and others, often in the form of complaints. They are unconsciously designed to enhance our always deficient sense of self through being “right” and making something or someone “wrong”. Being “right” places us in a position of imagined superiority and so strengthens our false sense of self the ego. This also creates some kind of enemy: yes, the ego needs enemies to define its boundaries, and even the weather can serve that function. The ego enhances itself through reactivity and conflict.
How simple life would be without those stories.
It is raining
He did not call
I was there. She was not.
Lessening of the “adjectives”
My mind was always big on adjectives. Amazing, super, fantastic, great, terrible, were a frequent part of my lexicon. These seem to be tailing off, because of a greater understanding that “all is”. The adjectives has to unravel and show its true colors over a period time, from many people. No need to rush into a judgement.
Giving up on labels
This is perhaps the biggest gift of all. The detachment to be a certain way or be perceived by others to be a person with certain characteristics is liberating. I remember how much it helped me when I got my stem cell transplant and changed my blood group. So many existential questions came up; will my likes and dislikes change, will my attitude change; will the new me be me (ha)! It helped that I was ready to change my name and not just the blood group. All the changes seem to have worked out.
Sharing
I had a lovely life affirming interaction with Mr Rajkumar. I received a facebook friend request from a Mr Rajkumar. I was about to reject that request when I decided to send him a note letting him know that I did not recognize him as someone I know. I got back a note from him elaborating that he was one of my platelet donors at St Johns and was very interested in knowing how I was doing and that I should not hesitate to call him if I needed anything else from him. God Bless. All iz well.
The above article is a lovely article reflecting the state of a large number of our colleges and universities; especially those not engineering centred (Thanks Harsha Mutt for sending this to me). The smoking gun in our education, I often feel, is the evaluation system. The whole system will change if we are able to somehow change that to be more reflective of understanding, curiosity and in depth understanding. I guess what is stopping us is having enough teachers who possess to skills to grade the above qualities.
Just when we begin to think all is well elsewhere; enclosed is an article on the malaise of the US college system. The smoking gun here is the high student debt and under -employment to fuel the debt issues.
Noodles with Naresh 