A demanding and confusing 2 weeks since I went to the hospital for a by-pass. 4 of the 5 cardiologists were urging me to get the bypass done and were confident that it will lead to better quality of life. The surgeon performing the surgery was painting the worst case scenario and balking.   Getting him on board proved to be a long drawn affair. His worry is that the kidneys are already injured and this bypass might tip it to a dialysis situation. After talking to our nephrologist, we decided that the benefits outweigh the risks. In the meanwhile, I caught a brutal stomach bug while in the hospital. This was most probably due to a hi-protein, hi calorie food supplement that I had. I lost quite some weight and the docs said it was better to take a break and we all arrived at a tentative re admission date of 23^rd of this month. Have been home and recuperating. Am doing very well, physically and emotionally. Will send an update before or after the surgery.

Musings

I chanced upon and discovered, in the last few months, one my greatest teachers – Shunryu Suzuki. His book “Zen Mind, Beginners Mind” is an outstanding book.   The Zen Buddhist approach led to stillness and peace during some of the most difficult times of the last month. His biography, “Crooked Cucumber” gave me further insight into the life of a man who I have come to love. He was born in Japan and died in SFO. He has left behind a center in SFO.

The biography of “crooked cucumber” gives an intimate account of the training of a zen monk. It is quite revealing to compare it to the training at Veda patashalas and Christian monasteries. The emphasis on scriptures, conditioned beliefs in-doctrination, rituals, knowledge, oratory, memorization of scriptures is replaced by “practice”. Finding the infinite peace in Zazen ( posture), bowing, cutting vegetables, cleaning a latrine etc…occupies center-stage.  Of course, there are zen mind oriented training, but never far from practice.

Much of my life in the last 3 weeks and these writings, moments and thoughts are triggered by this wonderful being.

When you find the silent center, there is sharp attention. It reveals probably the greatest truth of life; that everything changes. Everything ebbs and flows, there is a beginning and an end, and there is no beginnings and ends. The beginning is seen with the end and the end with the beginning. The pin prick is seen with the disappearance of the pin prick, the high creat levels seen with the subsequent lowering, inbreath is felt with the out breath. Tragedy, suffering and good are seen as comedy, pleasure and bad mis-interpreted wrongly. Life is viewed as a whole and not as a narrow, divided, time and space dependent view. In Shunryu’s words; “For Zen students a weed is a treasure. With this attitude, whatever you do, life becomes an art.”

The effect of this deep understanding is stunning. Life becomes moments without a trace – whatever is, and in whatever the mind/body is engaging in. Vast stillness descends; Enlightenment after enlightenment with a trace of enlightenment. There are plenty of moments when I suffer, but in the moments of alertness, every moment is complete by itself. Each moment, each person, is distinct and addressed mindfully without vague images of what they should be or have been.

NO TRACE
Wherever you go – you are.
Whatever you smell – you smell.
Whatver you eat – you eat.
What you think – you think.
Whatever you feel – you feel.

Just as it is.
Just as you are.

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is a fantastic rendition of Hanuman Chalisa with great graphics. A must watch. This has been rendered by Amitabh Bachhan and 20 other great singers. Memorable.